Post #100

I've learned a few things in my (almost) 6 years of being a Mom. I AM human. And only 1 person. There is a limit of what I can do each day. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

I thank my lucky stars that I can stay at home with our kids. Not everyone gets that choice/chance. And in these hard economic times, I'm thankful my husband's paycheck is providing for our family. (Despite the long hours he has to put in most days.)

(Maybe I should add, I'm not writing this to get pity from anyone. I simply write to free myself, clear my head, get it off my chest.)

I used to think that I needed to be perfect in order to be a good Mom. It was a frustrating battle I was quickly losing. I can't think of anything else I'd rather do than stay at home with our 4 kids. But truth be known, it isn't always a piece of cake. Some days it seems we barely make it thru the day. Other days are filled with happiness, contentment, joy and pure pleasure. Some days we're running on a full tank. Other days we run on low. Some days the tank is empty.

Deep down I knew what I needed. At the time, I felt like it was something I wanted, not REALLY needing. I felt I was being selfish - Wanting just for me. In all reality, it was just for ME. But everyone would benefit.

I needed 'me' time. And I needed 'me and him' time.

I thought good Mom's didn't need breaks away from their kids. Good Mom's certainly didn't need help from someone else; if you were good, you could do it all. I missed many chances to be alone, or alone with him... because I felt I was a 'bad' Mom, for leaving my kid behind. I quickly realized while I was trying SO hard to be perfect, I was really turning into something I wasn't proud of. Someone I didn't want to be as a wife or a mother.

Last month was the breaking point for me. It looked so bleak and dreary. The prior weeks left me hanging onto a breaking piece of thread. But life doesn't stop. I would fake a smile, swallow those big lumps in my throat and carry on. A good Mom doesn't show weakness, or admit defeat. If you read this previous post, you'll know what happens next.

For almost a week it was just me and him. It wasn't the 'romantic' setting like our honeymoon, since his work took up much of the daylight hours. But we were alone. And at times I was alone too. And you know what? It felt so good. And that guilty feeling about leaving the kids behind... it was gone by the time we crossed over the WI state line. We had time to talk about the big things. We had time to talk about the little things. We had time to just sit and not talk at all. Just enjoying the moment. And in those moments I realized so much. About being a wife. And about being a good Mom.

Most importantly, I came back a 'new' Mom. Refreshed, refueled, recharged. It doesn't mean all our days since have been perfect. My kids are just as human as I am. I've already snuck off for more alone time (at the grocery store, but I was alone). But I know that a good Mom is NOT necessarily a perfect Mom.

A good Mom can and does lose her cool, her patience's, her sanity, her head.. but she is willing to admit when she does. A good Mom knows she needs to re-fuel her tank more often than she realizes. Time alone is not a want. It's a need for a good Mom. A good Mom may get knocked down. But a good Mom will always get back up, stand tall, brush the dirt off and start over. Many, many times until the job is done.

I've learned that just like kids, every Mom is different. What works for one might not work for another. And just because one doesn't do 'this', or someone does 'that'.. doesn't mean anything. I don't feel I'm a 'bad' Mom to my 4 kids, not even close. But I realized I can be a better Mom if I take care of me. Doing what ever it takes to recharge my batteries. Because if you have kids.. you know you go thru lots of batteries!

17 of 52

********************52 Weeks*******************
52 Weeks is a year long challenge for YOU to be in a picture once a week for 52 weeks. We are always the ones behind the camera, this is YOUR chance to get out in front and be in the pictures with our family. We are glad you are joining this challenge. More importantly your family will really enjoy having you in the picture. Thanks for playing along! Oh, you can just jump in now with 1 of 52, you're not getting off that easy! Now go take a picture!
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(If you're with me on Facebook, you've seen this picture already on my profile.) Carolyn LOVES to take pictures. So she has become the designated picture-taker! This was suppose to be me and my 2 boys.. but she zoomed in (accidentally) and this is what we got. I was bummed John got cut off. But I LOVE this shot of Benji (with me.. although it's a way too close-up shot {of me} to suit me). In less than a month, he'll 6 years old. He has plenty of hugs, kisses and snuggles for Mommy and Daddy.. he just hands them out carefully!! So I take what ever I can get!

Happy 9 years Joe and Heather!

9 years ago today, on a gorgeous perfect fall day my friend got married. I happened to catch her bouquet. And 2 years later I married her brother-in-law. How about that?

New address for kids blog

The new address for the kid's blog is...

www.2cowboysand2ponytails.blogspot.com

We woke up this morning to snow falling. Steady and fast. It seems to melt as fast as it hits the ground. The pine trees look like their 'frosted' with vanilla snow icing. The yard has a few snow flakes scattered. Enough to say we have snow on the ground.

I would rather not see snow (stay) in Oct. But we do live in WI. There are about 3 months we do NOT use our wood stove. June. July. August. I've lived most of my 29 years, with an exception of a spring/summer/fall in IA. I don't know better anything else. I could do without the frigid, freezing, below zero temps. I really don't mind the snow. (It does create extra work for our steep driveway).

But I can stand our WI winter's for 9 mos outta the year for one, simple, yet important reason! It makes our kids happy! I missed capturing their faces and excitement when they discovered (quite early) this morning that it was snowing. I could barely feed them fast enough. Nor could they pile on their snow pants, boots, hats and mittens quick enough. They come in just long enough to warm up by the fire, let their mittens dry off, eat a quick bite. Then they're off again. If only we could be a kid again!

***And speaking of kids... I'm changing the address for our kid's blog. I'll likely change it tomorrow (Tues). So check back to get the current address!

16 of 52

********************52 Weeks*******************
52 Weeks is a year long challenge for YOU to be in a picture once a week for 52 weeks. We are always the ones behind the camera, this is YOUR chance to get out in front and be in the pictures with our family. We are glad you are joining this challenge. More importantly your family will really enjoy having you in the picture. Thanks for playing along! Oh, you can just jump in now with 1 of 52, you're not getting off that easy! Now go take a picture!
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The end of Sept was hard for me. We ended up missing 4 VERY special days, because of sickness. Having sick kids is tiring/draining all in itself. Then you add missing those special days... I was about as low as I could go. Then that following week, my hubby was to leave for a few 6 days to do some work in TN. So I'd be alone with the 4 kids. It's all part of life, so you swallow that big lump in your throat and smile your best smile. After all, life MUST carry on regardless.

Last Thurs morning came and went. Off he went to TN. I had a to-list in my hand to keep me physically and mentally busy for the rest of the week. (not that having 4 kids wouldn't keep me busy enough!) I was on my way to run errands in town when I got a call: "do you wanna come with me? i talked to mom, they'll keep all 4 kids!" So he, being a good hour away, turned around and came back for me. I VERY quickly finished my errands in town, came home, packed the 4 kids bags, threw some things together for me, dropped the 4 kids off at Boppa's house and was on my way to TN with my hubby in under an hour. Off alone, just the 2 of us for 6 days, 5 nights. Just what mama needed!

Although he had to work during the day (and into some evenings) we enjoyed our time alone. And during the days, I enjoyed my quiet-down time. (We ended up staying at a lodge in a state park. The cabins were booked). I enjoyed the fresh, warm, sunshine in walks thru the woods. Snuck in a nap. Enjoyed a soak in the hot tub. Read. Shopped. And had plenty of time to re-group. I came back feeling refreshed and ready to go.

I can't lie, I missed the kids. ALOT. On the way down, I kept turning to the back seat to check on them. Naturally alot of our conversations were about... the kids! On my shopping trip...I bought more for the kids, than myself!

This trip can't erase the last weeks of Sept, but it did help me get things back into perspective again. Get a fresh look at things and appreciate what I do have. And I'm sure my in-laws are enjoying the peace and quiet!

15 of 52

********************52 Weeks*******************
52 Weeks is a year long challenge for YOU to be in a picture once a week for 52 weeks. We are always the ones behind the camera, this is YOUR chance to get out in front and be in the pictures with our family. We are glad you are joining this challenge. More importantly your family will really enjoy having you in the picture. Thanks for playing along! Oh, you can just jump in now with 1 of 52, you're not getting off that easy! Now go take a picture!
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While Daddy worked on the semi... I grabbed these 2 and my camera!

Benji and Mommy Carolyn and Mommy