I realize now I should have just 'made time' for this blog. Now I have a moment; and I have a million things to write about. I'm trying to narrow it down to 'one'. Beware... loong post! :0
One blogger (you'll know who you are!) recently posted about people's comments/opinions on family size... She happens to have 4 children, so do I. Much of what she experiences, so do I and vice versa. I, along with my husband, happened to have 4 kids in a 'tad' under 4 years. Yes, you read that right! (Our oldest wasn't quite 4 years old when our youngest was born) Not only did we hear comments about having '4' kids, we also heard about them being SO close together. I'm not sure if people realize what exactly they are saying. Nor if they understand what it means to a Mom.
First of all, I realize just how BLESSED we are to have 4 healthy, normal, wonderful.... children. All our children were conceived and delivered naturally with no complications what so ever. My heart goes out to those who CAN NOT! I don't think she'll mind me mentioning her on here, so I'll go ahead with it. My SIL has battled infertility all her married life. They are blessed with 2 cutie pies; through adoption. I, never having faced that battle had no idea what she experienced those past years. To sit there while her brother's wife(s) got pregnant at just the 'mere' thought of it.... I can't imagine (actually I know what she thought, as she told me later) I believe emotional and mental pain may far exceed physical pain.
To be asked if we know what causes a pregnancy is humorous and irritating at the same time. Occasionally, I'd take the bait and play with it! "Just how exactly does one get pregnant?" OR maybe start with a more graphic, accurate description (that usually ends the conversation fast!) :0 With each pregnancy I became more 'used to' the remarks, yet with each pregnancy, it hurt a little more. These remarks come not from people we knew (which we heard plenty from) but STRANGERS we met on the town!
When I look around I realize not many people have 4 kids, whether by choice or not. Supposedly the 'normal' amount of kids is 2!?! My grandparents all come from a 'hefty' family of at least 5 or more. Maybe its just me and my phobia of people's opinions; but I feel that if we have a 'bad day' people look at me and think OR actually say, 'oohh, she has a hard time dealing with 4 kids...tsk, tsk' or whatever thought comes to their mind. Here's a news flash! Yes, we do have bad days! (so do people with only 1 kid) Yes, my day is usually busy/full. (show me a SAHM that isn't busy, even with 1 kid) I have 4 kids to tend to, meaning I have (on average) 2 more mouths to feed, 2 more sets of clothes to wash, 2 more bodies to keep an eye on. But I also have 2 more smiles to see, 2 more hearts to love, 2 more bodies to hug, 2 more blessings and so on! There's no denying it, 4 kids is not a piece of cake... but I've watched parents of 1 or 2 kids struggle just like me.. its a fact of life. Child(ren) + Parenting= A joyous struggle.
We are thrilled with our family of 4! As for having them close together: #1-was it planned that way? #2-ever heard of B/C? #3-don't you think you're short changing your children by having so many, so close? #4-wow, another baby, so soon after the last?... I could go on and on... My replies: #1 Yes, we wanted our children closer together (verses spread years apart) #2-Yes we heard of B/C (we never had use for it) #3- WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! (this question gets to me the most! Beware) When we had another child we STILL kept the other ones; meaning they are still a part of our lives. Obviously we can't spend ALL day focused on just ONE child, yet we love each of them dearly (and equally). I've seen only children go to daycare ALL day, come home, eat supper and go to bed (where's the quality time there: the drive home from daycare?!) I better stop with this question :) #4- Yes! Another baby, are we so lucky!?
I realize some people prefer to have just 1 child, some prefer to wait 2+ year before having more, some prefer to NOT have kids, some prefer to adopt instead, some prefer to stay at home, some prefer to work (by choice) ... but just because people do things differently than you do, doesn't make them/you right or wrong! If people would only think before they speak.. can you imagine how nice it would be?!
I wouldn't trade my 4 kids for ANYTHING! Nor would I change the time frame in which they came into our lives. For me, having 4 kids close together has way more benefits than disadvantages! I know people will forever comment on things they don't agree with, and I need to learn to take them with a grain of salt.... I'm know how lucky I am to have our 4 kids, no matter how good/bad the day. I know I'm not a 'perfect' Mom, nor will my kids ever be 100% perfect.. Yet I know they've filled our hearts and lives with so much joy, happiness and love... and no remark from a rude stranger will change my love for them!